I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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