I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
