Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We have so much sex to catch up on
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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