Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
