do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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