Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
