dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
