so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
