i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
