my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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