I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i think my cat just said my name.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
