So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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