i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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