Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
