So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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