smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
