you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
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Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
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All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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