I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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