First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
