hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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