You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
