Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
