you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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