The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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