pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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