yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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