I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Redeem this text for a blowjob
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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