so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I have post one night stand depression
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