Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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