i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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