Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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