I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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