Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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