the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
