thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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