At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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