we're blogging at a bar
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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