I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
