I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
