So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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