Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
