even my farts smell like vagina
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
