I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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