Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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