Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
