If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
no you cant smoke seaweed
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
