you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
