tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
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Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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