when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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