Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
