Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
