I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
