Im at strip club and am horny
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
