If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
