I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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