The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
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Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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