yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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