I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
