I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
