There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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