I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
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Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
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"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
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