He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
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