Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
