Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Randomize
