Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
