Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
