Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
