If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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