I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
