he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
