this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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