i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm sobbing to NWA
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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